I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
