So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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