Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
