I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
