My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
