i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
