Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
