wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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