the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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