Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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