Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Soap is not a condiment
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's get the cat blown out
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
