I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
