well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize