The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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