i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
