she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
