Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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