I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
