Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
