Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
