I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
