I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
