Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
