Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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