His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
