either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
