Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
