Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
