That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
