I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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