: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
