is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
