I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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