How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
