apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize