Plan B is the new Plan A
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no, he came in my armpit
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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