Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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