like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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