I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
