drinking out of a sandbucket again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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