I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
