btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She told me I should be a condom model.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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