They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
