i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
did i walk over a car last night?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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