Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize