you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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