I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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