So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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