ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
