life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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