i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
