You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My ass is underappreciated
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
