Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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