That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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