Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
