Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
