I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
