I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
