he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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