cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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