I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
