shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
