Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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