I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
