ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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