We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize