this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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