There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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