you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
