remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
