I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
