I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
