Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
