My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
