Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
