I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
