they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
