she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
