I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
