This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
